The Old Mess

Most boats come with a really cheap, uncomfortable, high density foam mattress. In order to make ours a little more comfortable, I purchased a 2” memory foam mattress topper. It made sleeping on board easier, but still not comfy.

After 6 years of owning this boat, we decided it was time to upgrade the mattress. We have an innerspring mattress at home and love it! So naturally we wanted quotes for innerspring mattresses. We contacted two boat mattress manufacturers – both tried to convince us that latex was the way to go. No mold, says one.. No mildew, says the other. I get it – boats can be humid and stuffy. But there was a very specific reason we wanted innerspring, and I tried to dance around the problem. After being completely unable to convince either company that we REALLY needed innerspring, I sent the following email:

If I can be a bit frank here…. We have friends who have a latex mattress (about 10 years old). They hate it, for one major reason.  They say it is difficult to be intimate on it.  This is a concern of mine.  I have tendonitis really badly in my forearms and wrists.  My wrists don’t bend 90 degrees like most – I am limited to about a 45 degree angle at best.  And this may be an embarrassing problem, but if we are having sex, and I am on top, I am afraid my hands will sink into the foam, creating a very painful greater-than-90-degree bend in my wrists. I am quite certain you haven’t heard of this complaint before, but my question is this – I can’t exactly go into a mattress store and simulate sex on their latex mattresses. How can I be certain this won’t be an issue?

Measuring for the New Mattress

Sorry!!!!  After you are done laughing maybe we can chat??  But this is why we are looking at an innerspring…

The response received was quite politically correct, although didn’t really answer my question. With no other way to get a definitive answer, and not wanting to spend A LOT OF MONEY on a mattress that will not work for us, we decided to visit the brick and mortar store of one of the companies. It was a very slow day, and when we arrived there was no one in the store, save the poor sales clerk. Chuck tried to delicately explain the problem – I got right to the point! So while my poor husband is hiding his face, trying not to laugh, and embarrassed as all getout, I proceed to climb up onto the latex mattress, get on all fours, and “sample” the mattress! Chuck is mortified, the salesman is laughing, and I am happy because there was NO issue with my wrists! So as we finalize the deal, the salesman wants to establish which mattress we are interested in – they come in varying thicknesses.

The Installation

SO. After simulating sex on this poor salesman’s latex mattress, he asks me…

“DO YOU WANT A 9 INCH, OR WOULD 8” FIT BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!”

I’m dying here. Chuck is five shades of crimson. The salesman realizes what he has asked. We are all doubled over in laughter!

In the end we chose Latex!!! Gotta love boating!!

The Happy Camper

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